Why even bother trying to get to know my victims? People do it with sex. We should do it with murder. It’s the same level of intimacy, being inside them…
Read More
“We don’t need to pay teachers any more than they get. How much money does someone need to teach kids how great God and country is?”
Read More
MY WISH FOR AMERICA As a choice father of an intelligent, ethnically ambiguous, sapien – a sapien who identifies as a female and responds to the pronoun “she” – I am invested in the future of this country, this planet, the internet, the entertainment industry, politics, genetically modified foods, the workplace and everything else I…
Read More
Trying to keep kids from cussing has been an empty tradition since the strange day certain words began carrying moral value.
Read More
Mr. Logan’s been raving about billionaire sex rings for years. About how the rich and powerful trade in people. Oops! We forgot to listen.
Read More
“First off, you’re not even holding the soap. You’re holding Mom’s hips. If you want Mom to have a clean back, you need to actually touch her back.”
Read More
“We love the murmurs of little children. That’s why we’re testing the new policy. To try and keep the noise level to a murmur.”
Read More
“Every time Dianne takes the wheel it’s a thrill ride with a fifty-fifty shot of survival. And I’m the lucky man who gets to nag her about never checking her blind spot.”
Read More
