Dear Dining Establishments of America –
I get it. You guys gotta cater to every group. That’s why every fast food establishment has wheel chair access for the crippled, double doors for the morbidly obese, and now many are including “all gender” bathrooms for men who wear makeup and go by Estrella. Cool beans. You gotta keep your target market happy to stay in business, I guess. Quick question: How many of these post-ops are ordering Happy Meals? Never mind. But while you’re changing the bathrooms anyways, think you can do us dads a solid and give us changing tables in what used to be the mens room?
In a modern society where a growing number of households have a working mother, sometimes the dad has to take these little shits out to feed them. And sometimes these little shits, have little shits. My current modus operandi is just to change my shit-covered daughter on the table right there in the dining area. But a man can only half-heartedly shrug to so many gagging Taco Bell patrons before he says “enough is enough” and writes an opinion piece.
It’s bad enough that I have to wait for this (and I’m going to be politically correct here) “dude” to change “his” tampon before I can take a leak. And it’s pretty insulting that I can see the changing table in what used to be the women’s bathrooms as the gentleman ahead of me saunters in to piss on the toilet seat. But I guess America thinks it’s more important to cater to the 3 million Caitlyns out there wanting to feel pretty while they’re taking a dump than the 11 million Bruces out there with kids in diapers.
Look. I don’t give a shit who uses what bathroom. I just want changing tables in them. They’re not just good for babies. They’re also a nice, clean place to set your purse when you’re re-tucking your nutsack into your panties. And since you’re doing a politically correct re-mod anyways, why not be more inclusive of cis-hetero-binary-breeder-types – or whatever the fuck we’re called this week.
While you’re trying to be inclusive of everybody by opening your urinals up to everyone in pants, shorts or a dress, you’re actually reinforcing gender norms by only having changing tables in one bathroom. I want the same bathroom options as our gender breaking breth- and sis- tren: To choose whatever line is the shortest to take a piss and change my kid.