Dad Unsure How to Bring Up Stumbling Upon Old Video of Wife on PornHub

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[CITY REDACTED] – One night after the family was asleep, lights were off, and the office door locked, [NAME REDACTED], 33 was, in his words, “casually surfing the internet” when he stumbled upon an old video of his wife on PornHub.com – a popular entertainment website. “There she was. On top of a river boat in the green bikini she used to wear when we first started dating.  A crowd chanting for her to ‘whip ’em out.’ And, after beer-bonging a Corona, my wife of 8 years, [NAME REDACTED], just let ’em loose,” he explained. “It’s definitely her. I just don’t know how to tell her where, or how I found the video. I was supposed to be working on our taxes not searching for… never mind.”

[NAME REDACTED] assures us he’s not jealous or angry, “it’s not like I met her at BYU. We met at Arizona State.” He just thinks she would want the video removed before she’s recognized as the star of the 62 second ‘Boat Juggs 2006’ video. “We have a son now who’s gonna be ‘casually surfing the internet’ on his own in 7 or 8 years and if he searches for the types of content I do – like, um, ‘boat stuff’ – he may stumble onto this video of his mom someday, and that’s just…” he trailed off. “Look. I don’t need any Oedipus type shit around my house.”

Unsure of how to proceed, he says he’s bookmarked the video on a hidden web browser to revisit over and over again until he figures out a plan. “What am I supposed to tell my wife? That I’m into ‘boat stuff’? You think I have time to explain what ‘words’ I put into ‘search bars’ or whatever? She’s a mother now. Not that young, hot, drunk, woman I accidentally came across after a quick 45 minute break from taxes. I have to look this woman in the eye every morning. I can’t do that after she’s been hovering over my shoulder saying ‘Really? Is this what you’re into? Gross.'”

His current plan is to forward the link from a falsified Gmail account made up of some form of her ex-boyfriend’s name with the subject line “Thinking of You” to see if that triggers a pull down request. But even that has him nervous. “What if she misses the good ol’ days and wants to run off with her ex, beer-bonging Coronas and whipping out those post-baby funbags? Then I have to explain the email is actually me? That’s weirder than searching for ‘boat stuff’ on Pornhub. Not that that’s what I’m into.”

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