WHITTIER, CA – After a long, successful night of trick-or-treating, and with the kids sugar-crashing in bed, Ben Conway, 41, decided to end his Halloween night by relaxing on the couch and ingesting a THC edible prescribed to him by a shady cannabis doctor who operates out of an unmarked retail space in a rundown strip mall in an unincorporated part of South Whittier.
“I got the kids’ candy ready for the Switch Witch to take and donate to the troops via Soldiers’ Angels and sat down to watch Making a Murderer, but when I woke up, their bag of candy was still there. And my bag of 50mg THC sour gummies was gone! Come on Switch Witch! That’s my medicine!”
While the Switch Witch did indeed switch his edible pot candies for a fun toy, Conway says, “The yo-yo I got is cool and all, but I don’t see how it’s going to help with my… back pain? Insomnia? Honestly, I can’t remember what my pot prescription was for. But it sure beats watching Netflix sober.”
Now with the Halloween candy still on the table and the kids asking questions, Conway is unsure how to proceed. “Do I tell them the switch witch skipped our house? Do I explain ‘daddy’s medicine candy’ to them? Do I finish off their candy while they’re at school? I made a pretty big dent in the candy pile last night, if you know what I mean.”
Conway says there’s a lesson to be learned from his Switch Witch experience. “Savory edibles. That’s the solution. The Switch Witch isn’t gonna pinch a bag of THC laced Doritos, or a container of mashed potatoes made with cannabutter. Jesus. I hope those pot candies don’t make it to the front lines,” he added. “As cool as it would be to have our troops, stoned, sitting around with stoned ISIS fighters, scrolling through Reddit, laughing at memes together, it’s pretty unlikely.”