New Graco® Booster Comes Pre-Stuffed With Crunchy Happy Meal Fries

Posted by

MINNEAPOLIS, MN – GRACO is excited to announce the Happy Booster – a convertible car seat that comes pre-filled with crunchy Happy Meal french fries. “Our focus group studies have shown kids enjoy riding on a pin cushion of petrified french fries, ” says Graco Baby parent-company Newell Brands CEO Michael B Polk. “We listen to our riders. And we listen to what our riders need. We’re the first car seat brand that’s putting the comfort, and safety, of the passenger over the taste of some industrial designer or even the opinion of the child’s own parents. We put children first at GRACO. And children want to ride on crunchy french fries. And I’m not about to tell those children–,” he takes a breath before really tearing up and continuing.

“Humanity’s hope, that they can’t ride comfortably on a bed of stale, petrified, deep-fried potato sticks. I will not be the bad guy here.”

This has obviously been a passion project of his for awhile.

“I don’t know how those chumps over at Britax handle things. They’re probably too busy lining the pockets of Planned Parenthood or some shit to worry about the comfort of our most beloved generation.” He then leaned over the desk to spit directly into my iPhone’s microphone as if spitting on a person from Britax. “We care, goddammit. Any more stupid questions?” he said, apparently ending the interview. Which is fine. It stopped being funny in the first paragraph and I was pretty scared by the way he wouldn’t blink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s