Couple Celebrates 27 Years of Complaining About Each Others’ Driving

SANTA BARBARA, CA – Jesse and Dianne met on a blind date 27 years ago and were married within six months. “It’s rare for a young couple, especially in California, to get married so quickly and so young,” says Dianne, 52. “The way he spoke of his future plans so passionately, his sandy blonde hair, his rolling stops with almost no regard for cross-traffic every, single, time we come to an intersection. Every SINGLE time–” she trails off and exchanges a loving smile with Jesse, “I knew the first night I wanted him as mine forever.”

“Nobody tailgates like Dianne,” Jesse says. “How she’s only ever been in one accident is a testament to the existence of luck or God or some kind of intervening force. Every time Dianne takes the wheel it’s a thrill ride with a fifty-fifty shot of survival.” Jesse kisses his wife. “And I’m the lucky man who gets to nag her about never checking her blind spot.”

“Whether he’s staring at his phone in his lap, flipping through podcasts, or rubbernecking to check out a woman at the bus stop, Jesse might be the most distracted driver on the planet. I can’t drive more than 6 blocks with him without my adrenal glands dumping their supply and freezing my voice box with fear,” says Dianne. “I can’t imagine driving cross-country, needling any other grown man about turn signals.”

The couple are planning a road trip up to Portland next month. “I just hope my quick-braking when a deer darts across the road, or a sudden stop in traffic while she’s napping, will spark a screaming match that will uncover some buried resentment she’s been bottling up so we can spend the first day there not talking to each other,” Jesse says. “It wouldn’t be vacation without a second day apology.”

“I love our apologies,” Dianne says.

Tonight the couple will celebrate their anniversary with a nice dinner at BJs Brewery that will culminate in an argument over whether or not three beers at dinner is too many drinks for Jesse to drive home.

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