Conspiracy Theorist Dad Vindicated After Billionaire Caught in Sex Slave Ring

Billionaire Sex Crimes Starter Kit
Billionaire Sex Ring Starter Kit

CARLSBAD, CA – He’s been raving about billionaire sex crimes for years. That there’s a high power, connected, secret cabal of billionaires and politicians running underground, underage, sex trafficking operations that cater only to the rich. “And all you bastards did was laugh at me!” Mr. Logan, divorced father of 2, cackles. And we shrug. Because he’s right. “‘Why would billionaires risk it all to rape underage girls when they could literally buy any woman they want?’ Is what you guys said,” he reminds us, in a mocking tone. “And I said, who would commit these acts but the billionaire class,” he digs in. And our sources confirm we did, in fact, ask something to that effect. Mr. Logan continued, “You said, ‘who has time for that?’ and ‘Is this another one of your lizard people things?’ But look at the front pages of every main stream media rag out there!” He motions towards the wall of news clippings, tacked up onto his vision board of insanity he has splayed inside the garage door. “Every day another story comes out with another name and it’s like I was screaming about back in 2001 that this 9/11 thing isn’t what you think and there are pedophiles with Top Secret clearance working in our very own government,” he says, referencing the Jeffrey Epstein sex trafficking case and the resignation of Secretary of Labor Alex Acosta. And holy shit, he HAS been saying this since 2001. And we, for the life of us, cannot figure out just why we didn’t listen. As impartial journalists, we here at The Nuclear Unit will continue to monitor Mr. Logan’s incoherent ravings for any truth to his flat earth claim, his chem trail analyses and the efficacy of his colloidal silver. Because, holy shit, he might have been right on this one.

The Nuclear Unit is a family-inspired satire site. It was started by Adam Hammer – a comedian turned dad, turned writer. In that order. Follow The Nuclear Unit on all your socials for more. And if you dig what we do, give our stuff a share!

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