ATLANTA, GA – The invisible hand of the free market has responded again! In lieu of any form of gun control by our elected officials, Osh-Kosh B’Gosh will roll out Kiddie Kevlar® beginning this fall. Just in time for back to school. “Our customers keep getting shot,” says Osh-Kosh’s parent company – Carters Inc. – CEO Michael D Casey. “And since it doesn’t look like guns are going anywhere, anytime soon, we thought we’d offer a safer alternative to traditional children’s clothing. The kind of outfit you can wear into, but more importantly walk out of, a Wal-Mart.”
After this week’s shootings have turned 5 (and counting) innocent people into lifeless, rotting, corpses, the adorably named Osh-Kosh B’Gosh has responded quicker than any politician to help keep our children safe. “As a company, we pride ourselves on looking out for our customers,” Casey says. “We already carry a wide range of clothes that are perfect for pint-sized funerals. Now, we want to do what we can to help prevent those funerals.”
“Dead kids don’t need back to school clothes,” he added.