EDITORIAL
My Wish For America by A Conservative Dad
“We don’t need to pay teachers any more than they get. How much money does someone need to teach kids how great God and country is?”
Read MoreMy Wish For America by Liberal Dad
MY WISH FOR AMERICA As a choice father of an intelligent, ethnically ambiguous, sapien – a sapien who identifies as a female and responds to the pronoun “she” – I am invested in the future of this country, this planet, the internet, the entertainment industry, politics, genetically modified foods, the workplace and everything else I…
Read More9 Ways Babies Are Not Shake Weights
Baby or Shake Weight? Find out how YOU can always spot the difference.
Read MoreThat’s Not the Best Way to Wash Mom’s Back, Dad
“First off, you’re not even holding the soap. You’re holding Mom’s hips. If you want Mom to have a clean back, you need to actually touch her back.”
Read MoreAre We Really Still Arguing Over Abortion?
I remember 4 years ago when I was only 4, and I couldn’t even do the monkey bars yet, and Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump were talking about abortion and I was like “This seems like a non-issue.”
Read MoreTHIS JUST IN: Your Family Perfect for Reality Show
Your dad is hysterical, when nobody’s around! Him in a house full of strange production crew members? He’s sure to turn that magic on in front of company for once!
Read MoreFuck Off, Dad
This thing you got going on over your head that you think is so cute and silly? It’s stupid, Dad. And I’ve never respected you less.
Read MoreI Am Sick and Tired of Elon Musk Stealing All My Best Ideas
I WANTED TO GO TO SPACE AND TUNNEL UNDER L.A. BEFORE HE DID.
Read MoreWhile We’re Upgrading Every Bathroom to All Gender, Think We Can Add Changing Tables to What Used to Be the Mens Room?
My current modus operandi is just to change my shit-covered daughter on the table right there in the dining area.
Read MoreHoly F*ck, When Did Monkey Bars Get So Hard?
I don’t know who decided to – or how they even did – increase the difficulty level of monkey bars, but holy fuck are those things hard.
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