My current modus operandi is just to change my shit-covered daughter on the table right there in the dining area.
I don’t know who decided to – or how they even did – increase the difficulty level of monkey bars, but holy fuck are those things hard.
I don’t want my parents to die just so I can host high school keg parties and blow their life insurance payouts on a Tesla and paintball. I want them to die so that I can become Batman.
Your stupid horse rides for free. But my beautiful wife costs money like she’s some goddam piece of checked baggage or some shit.
Men and women are supposed to be equals in every aspect. Well, I beg to differ.