“First off, you’re not even holding the soap. You’re holding Mom’s hips. If you want Mom to have a clean back, you need to actually touch her back.”
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“We love the murmurs of little children. That’s why we’re testing the new policy. To try and keep the noise level to a murmur.”
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“Every time Dianne takes the wheel it’s a thrill ride with a fifty-fifty shot of survival. And I’m the lucky man who gets to nag her about never checking her blind spot.”
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I remember 4 years ago when I was only 4, and I couldn’t even do the monkey bars yet, and Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump were talking about abortion and I was like “This seems like a non-issue.”
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Your dad is hysterical, when nobody’s around! Him in a house full of strange production crew members? He’s sure to turn that magic on in front of company for once!
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Martin Landers has joined a growing number of stay at home dads who are developing hairstylist skills while their wives are at work.
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GRACO is excited to announce the Happy Booster – a convertible car seat that comes pre-filled with crunchy Happy Meal french fries.
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Costco Customer Appreciation Summer Circus events will be popping up to show customers how much Costco appreciates being the place people choose to shop for sacks of dry red beans, 100lbs at a time.
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This thing you got going on over your head that you think is so cute and silly? It’s stupid, Dad. And I’ve never respected you less.
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![The Monster On the Bed [FICTION]](https://i1.wp.com/thenuclearunit.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/Monster-in-the-Bed.png?fit=1200%2C675&ssl=1&resize=40%2C40){kind=small}