Holy F*ck, When Did Monkey Bars Get So Hard?

By Drunk Dad

I don’t know who decided to – or how they even did – increase the difficulty level of monkey bars, but holy fuck are those things hard.

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I Wish My Parents Would Die So I Could Become Batman

By Your Son

I don’t want my parents to die just so I can host high school keg parties and blow their life insurance payouts on a Tesla and paintball. I want them to die so that I can become Batman.

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Star Stay-at-Home Mom Makes Long Awaited Decision on Which Multi-Level Marketing Scam to Commit To

By The Nuclear Unit

Melanie Thrush, 32, has finally made her long awaited decision on which multi-level-marketing scam to commit to.

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9 Year Old Stumbles Into Alt-Right Zone of Club Penguin Island

By The Nuclear Unit

“I never saw an all-white penguin before. I thought he was cool looking.”

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Retired San Francisco Grandparents Sell Modest 3 Bedroom Home, Buy Entire State of Wyoming

By The Nuclear Unit

After 36 happy years in the Pacific Heights neighborhood, Donald and Gretchen Sandoval have sold their San Francisco home to purchase the state of Wyoming. 

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Progressive Couple Concerned Son Exhibiting Straight Tendencies

By The Nuclear Unit

Owners of local vegan restaurant Kale ‘n Me Softly, Carl and Marianne  Sturgis-Hemmingway are growing increasingly concerned that their 12 year old son Kalin is exhibiting gender-normative tendencies.

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Dad Secretly Enjoying Past 3 Days of Silent Treatment

By The Nuclear Unit

After a minor disagreement over dirty dishes in the sink turned into a deep-cutting screaming match regarding parental responsibilities and familial contributions in general, Ken Graves, 37, has been given The Silent Treatment.

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This Service Horse Rides For Free, But I Gotta Pay Full Price for My Emotional Support Wife?

By Drunk Dad

Your stupid horse rides for free. But my beautiful wife costs money like she’s some goddam piece of checked baggage or some shit.

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Dad Saves $1.83 After Waiting 45 Minutes In Costco Gas Line

By The Nuclear Unit

After what could’ve been roughly two relaxing episodes of The Ranch or some real quality time with his 4 year old daughter, local father of 3 Dean Schnatter was more than ecstatic after saving almost $2 in just under an hour

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Local Grandma Wins iPad Photographer of the Year Award

By The Nuclear Unit

73 year old Deborah Meyers was honored when she received the call that she’d been named a finalist in this year’s National iPad Photographers Awards. When she won the coveted award, she could hardly contain herself.

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