adam hammer Archives | The Nuclear Unit

Osh Kosh B’gosh Announces Line of Children’s Kevlar Clothing

The invisible hand of the market responds! In lieu of gun control by our elected officials, Osh-Kosh will roll out Kiddie Kevlar® beginning this fall.

U.S. Genies Enraged Over Gratuitous Use of Blue Face in Disney’s Aladdin

By The Nuclear Unit |

Genies in America are upset over the stereotypes used in the new live action rendition of Disney’s Aladdin. Blue face is hurtful, they say.

Great Grandson of Fucking Immigrants Demands Something Be Done About Current Fucking Immigrants

By The Nuclear Unit |

A whiny great grandson of some greasy Mick that came to the U.S., uninvited, to leech off our system, wants something done about all these fucking immigrants

CVS Down To One Cashier For Every Three Locations

By The Nuclear Unit |

In an effort to keep prices competitive, CVS has instituted an employment policy of one cashier per every three retail locations.

The Monster On the Bed [FICTION]

By The Nuclear Unit |

Why even bother trying to get to know my victims? People do it with sex. We should do it with murder. It’s the same level of intimacy, being inside them…

My Wish For America by A Conservative Dad

By The Nuclear Unit |

“We don’t need to pay teachers any more than they get. How much money does someone need to teach kids how great God and country is?”

My Wish For America by Liberal Dad

By The Nuclear Unit |

MY WISH FOR AMERICA As a choice father of an intelligent, ethnically ambiguous, sapien – a sapien who identifies as a female and responds to the pronoun “she” – I am invested in the future of this country, this planet, the internet, the entertainment industry, politics, genetically modified foods, the workplace and everything else I…